So Overrated

You know how something or someone is hyped by the media or your peers, then once you experience whatever it is they were referring to you are disappointed? In your mind you’re thinking ‘that was so overrated.’ Well there are a few things that come to mind when thinking of this year’s overrated list. Hov’s comeback song D.O.A.– overrated.  Graduate degree in journalism–definitely overrated. Entertainment bloggers who make it obvious they want to be famous– enough already! Would your sites just crash, like, yesterday. Played out and overrated.

But coming in at No.1 as the most overrated shit of 2009 is…drum roll please.


As a mid-twenties single woman I truly understand my aunt’s adage about finding a husband in college. I can clearly envision her 5’10 frame sitting on her recliner with her Midwestern accent saying, “When you go to college make sure you come out with that M-R-S and that Bachelor’s.” Auntie, I now understand what you meant.

By no means am I saying by age 22 every woman is ready for the Tiffany’s diamond with the white picket fence, shiatsu dog, apron and their very own version of Will Smith. What I am saying is that the majority of girlfriends ages 22-35 are single, single and more single.  It seems the more successful a woman becomes the lesser the chance of her finding a compatible life partner. The pool of successful black men is significantly lower for reasons we’ve been beaten over the heads with.

Now on to the monotony of dating. The whole “get to know each other” phase, weeding through the bullshit versus the real, visualizing and creating a fly ass ensemble just to find him in a hoodie and jeans, all while standing by the car door clearing your throat, waiting for him to get his ass out to open your door, let’s just say it’s a waste.

Dating has turned into a tirelessly pointless game of cat chase the mouse. Quite frankly, we’re patiently waiting while he chases every other “mouse” he thinks may be appetizing.

I’m definitely not Ms. Too Independent to admit there are benefits of dating (don’t front ladies. Please.Do.Not.Front). Even the companionship of a new male prospect is nice from time to time. But most of the time it seems the intention of a man initially is all about getting the “cookies.” On the other hand we are analyzing and evaluating if he could be a potential boyfriend. These two ideas don’t actually correlate.

Pressing rewind, going back about 40 decades I imagine dating was the shit. I mean flowers just because, thoughtfully planned out dates, opening of car doors was natural, intellectual conversations were the norm and were expected. Dating had a purpose with the intent to eventually choose one of your suitors and settle down.

In the generation of “Bust It Baby” and lyrics lauding “Big Pimpin,” no wonder dating is in a state of despair. Somewhere along the way walks in the park were traded for making “Love In the Club.” Now it is seen as abnormal to respect a woman. Holding women in high esteem became frowned upon because brothers adopted this new attitude that, “Hos out here is scandalous.”

When did we stop being worthy of the wife title and reduced to baby mama, wifey or the main chick?

I remain optimistic and hope one day brothers will have an epiphany and realize the woman’s worth.

But until a man stops thinking the movies is an ideal first date, or until I stop hearing huffs and puffs because he has to open every door, or until he stops thinking because he paid for one meal he’s entitled to some ass, dating will continue to be the last thing on my mind to do.

I’ll miss some things. I can’t lie.

What I won’t miss is having to explain courtship exists and I didn’t just make it up. Won’t miss the non-spontaneity of him choosing the movies as the first date. And definitely won’t miss slapping his hand off my thigh as he tries to test how far he can go. Damn sure won’t miss the jokes about “You got the tab tonight?” Certainly won’t miss the BS he says because he thinks you want to hear it. Can’t say I’ll miss the ego of a man talking about himself the entire date.

After all is said and done most of us women don’t want to be single forever. But we also don’t want to date at the cost of wasting our time.

So my advice to all the ladies still in college is this. If and only if, both of you are ready and he truly is the one; I’m telling you like my auntie told me. Come out of school with that M-R-S. It only gets harder the higher you climb the career ladder. Anytime you feel like you’re suffering from claustrophobia in your relationship with that good dude that gets on your nerves sometimes, remember the grass ain’t always greener on the other side.

You heard it first here. Dating is so overrated.