Hands Off My Phone

We all know that there are a lot of women out there that feel the need to reassure themselves that their man is not creeping. Most women who are plagued with the ill of snooping do this via their man’s phone. And there are those who check EVERYTHING. Emails. Mail. They search the house as if they are looking for their lost pair of Bamboo earrings.

But the common misconception is that men don’t snoop. Generally speaking, men don’t take it to the extreme that some women do. Let’s not get it twisted though, men do check phones. I could name more than a few.

Although snooping is intrusive and considered wrong on so many levels, there is a part of this act that I don’t understand. See, most of the time when you go looking for something, you better believe you are going to find the exact thing you are looking for.

But are we ever ready for what we find?

So many times I’ve heard, “Girl I looked through his phone and found[insert pics, inappropriate texts, numerous calls to another female]” Or “I went through his emails and he had these pictures of some girl.” And I am no exception to this rule. I’ve done my fair share of snooping as well. However, what I’ve learned as I’ve matured is that snooping never really hurts anyone but the person hoping to find something.

Once you’ve taken off the lid to a box that shouldn’t have been opened by you in the first place, now you have to deal with the consequences, the hurt, the arguments and everything that comes along with you being nosy. Most of the time we women, and men too, don’t use the information we find as a signal to pack our shit and throw the deuces. We listen to what they have to say and end up staying.

Again, what was the point of snooping?

What happens next is usually a series of events that are as predictable as Beyonce winning every award at any award show. You check all the text messages because you’re a masochist who wants to read every word he or she has been saying to this other person(s), as if seeing the names is not enough. Next you do one of two things. One, either you confront him or her about what you’ve “discovered.” Or if you’re straight reckless you start texting these folks from your significant others phone or you just dial the number and call. You communicate with the other chick/dude and you have a civilized conversation finding out even more than the text revealed, or yall argue like two school children fighting over who’s going to count to ten while everyone goes and hides.

After all is said and done you then have to admit to your boyfriend/girlfriend that you went through their phone. They’re pissed, immediately pulling the reverse psychology move ‘you had no business going through my phone.’ Whatever. You may break up, but most of the time YOU DON’T. And the end result: the relationship is never the same because now you don’t trust the person you’re supposed to be in a relationship with.

A relationship with a lack of trust is pointless. You spend entirely too much time dwelling on what he or she did and you create unhealthy habits like snooping, trying to prevent it from happening ever again.

In the end…people are going to find a way to do what the hell they want to do.

Checking phones and emails just doesn’t do anyone any good. Get in relationships where you don’t feel the need to check someone’s phone because you’re 100% confident in you and yours. My best friend’s mama once told me, “Checking someone’s phone while you’re dating is a bad habit that if not stopped will be a bad habit you take into a marriage.”

And if you are struck w/the illness of snooping, finding exactly what you wished you’d never saw, do something with that information besides play on people’s phone.

Don’t be one of those stupid broads calling the other chic every 3 months. LEAVE HIM. Personally  I’m tired of yall calling me.