Fades to Black I

At 11:59 on Thursday, I felt quite content bringing in the New Year rid of my ex. There was no need for Lauryn Hill’s “Ex Factor” to play on repeat. No tears, really there hadn’t been any since the summer. He didn’t even make me angry enough to curse him out. Just a blasé feeling. That’s how I knew he had to go.

CB was the type of dude that was mad funny. He won me over with his persistence. Had I not been stuck in graduate school in middle of nowhere Indiana, he wouldn’t have gotten any play. Unfortunately, attractive black men with a job that prefer to date black women were hard to come by in this town. So our relationship went from 1 to 10 quickly. It was one of those relationships that I knew would never work, but ended up liking him anyway.

Just as our relationship was climaxing, I got the phone call. We had discussed that this may be a possibility, but I don’t think he ever really thought about what this would mean. Miss Thing said she would call on the 7th. When she didn’t call on the 7th or 8th I came to the conclusion I didn’t get it. All of a sudden the phone rings on the 9th with the 212 area code. Could it be?

“Hi this is _____ with VIBE magazine, is this Bene?” she said.


“I wanted to congratulate you and let you know you got the internship,” she said.

I slightly screamed in the phone, but got it together immediately, remembering how no-nonsense my new boss was. The opportunity of a lifetime had presented itself, but I knew my relationship was over. We had discussed what it would mean for me to go to the Big Apple, both lying to ourselves that we would stay together. Yeah right. I did not trust him. There was no way I was going to be in NY all faithful Faye while he was in Indiana blowing out backs. Hell no.

He took me to the airport, we said our goodbyes, I cried, he made empty promises and I was off to where dreams are made.

Once I arrived we talked for about two days until he start showing his ass. I was too busy grinding to deal with stupid shit.  He was being real disrespectful so that was my cue to bounce.

The entire summer went by without a word from one another. At this point I think I hated him and vice versa. Needless to say, not a day went by that I didn’t think about him. I did still have feelings for him. When I returned from NY I anticipated how I would act when I would see him and what would happen. We ended on a seriously bad note and never really had any closure.

Months went by and I would see him out or at church and we would walk by each other like two distant strangers. I had stupidly even given in on one of those drunken nights when you call the guy you really want to talk to. He answered, but kind of played me to the left as my friend kept screaming to me, “Girl hang up on him.” Sure, I was dating other people, but I didn’t like any of them. I didn’t care about any of them. Half the time I didn’t even answer my phone for them. Around October I was over him. Finally I was ok with the fact that we didn’t have closure, and apparently we couldn’t even be friends.

Until I was sitting in church one Sunday. Of all days, I chose to go on this particular day.