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Fades to Black II

Of course I arrived late. Not wanting to disturb anyone I sat in the only available seat in the back. Low and behold, it’s the pew he’s sitting in on the other end. I didn’t even look his way, and played the ignore you dance that we’d been participating in since I got back in August.

After I left church I thought nothing else about it. On my way home I get a text from a number that is no longer stored in my phone.

“Did you enjoy church?” CB asked.

“Yes, I’m really glad I came.”

“Do you still have feelings for me?” he asked.

“What, where is this coming from? I haven’t talked to you in months and you’re asking me if I still have feelings for you.”

That’s where round two of our merry-go round began.

This time it was different though. The level of feelings or expectations was almost non-existent. At the time I was talking to somebody else that I really liked, so CB was like a bonus. My Indiana boo that was familiar. However, as time progressed my feelings went from he’s tolerable to, why am I still dealing with him? What I used to think of as humor I now thought was immaturity. His tick for tack nature drove me crazy. His arrogance that he could reap all the benefits of my man without truly being my man was a turnoff. And his frugality made me drove me nuts.

But my weakness was that there was nobody else physically there. Chicago was, well, in Chicago. If I cut CB off then I would truly be alone. Something was better than nothing right? Wrong.

Replaying everything CB and I had been through got me to thinking about my other ex. They were the complete opposite and CB made me appreciate the ex so much more.

Wisdom was my very best friend in the whole world. We had known each other since freshman year in high school, but became best friends the summer of my freshman year in college. Funny how life is. Our number one mistake was dating. In 2007 Wisdom confessed his love for me and how he’d liked me for a few years yada yada yah. In my head I thought,  ‘No. No. No.’ This wasn’t supposed to happen. I told him many of times it would ruin our friendship. He insisted anyway. I gave in. So for a year and a half we dated on and off. Some of those off periods we remained friends, others we didn’t.

At the end of 2008 when I decided I was leaving Nashville we were on one of our on periods.  Before I left a chain of events put a strain on our “relationship” and friendship for good. I vowed to never talk to him again, which is exactly why best friends should never date. With that said, I can count on one hand how many times I talked to Wisdom in 2009.

Christmas break 2009 was approaching and I couldn’t wait to get home. CB was on my nerves, the pressures of school was on my nerves and I just needed a break. Since I had been thinking of Wisdom a lot lately, I wondered whether or not I should call him. We were going to be in the same city and all. But what if he didn’t want to talk to me? What if he had a girlfriend? Wouldn’t it be awkward?

Although we hadn’t spoken in practically a year, this was my best friend. It’s not like I wanted to be with Wisdom, he’s just that one dude that will always always have a place in my heart. Hope my future husband can deal with that. I’d been home about a week and a half and had made up my mind not to call him. I figured if he missed me or felt our friendship was worth anything he should call me. Besides, I didn’t have his new number.

CB and I talked whenever. Nothing there had really changed. At that point I was just nonchalant about our whole situation.

Then my female best friend told me she talked to a chick we went to high school with. My name came up and so did Wisdom’s. According to ol’ girl we went to high school with, Wisdom was “head over heels” for Bird. Now I knew they had messed around, but him having feelings for her was new to my ears. Of course I knew Bird  because we all went to high school together. In my eyes he could do better; and if he was going to be “head over heels” for anybody, it needed to be a chick I didn’t know. And it needed to be a chick 10 times fresher than me. Bird was neither.

I went on the hunt…yep, now I definitely was going to call him.

Since I didn’t have his number I had to do some research. I asked around and nobody had it. Then it hit me. His mama and I have emailed each other back and forth a few times and her number was in those emails. Bingo. Nervously I called his mama’s house and chopped it up with her. She was excited to hear from me and glad I was doing well. She told me how well Wisdom was doing. We ended up talking for about 25 minutes when she informed me that Wisdom would be stopping by later that night and she would have him call me.

I patiently waited. Day one-no call. Day two-no call. Day three-still no fucking call. Finally I realized he wasn’t going to call. I went over and over our last interaction with each other wondering what I could have possibly said or done for him to not want to talk to me. I mean shit, it had been a year. He should have been over it.

In the meantime I went on with my life. CB called and questioned me about getting a sew in. As far as I’m concerned that’s none of his business. But since he was asking questions I had one for him…

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  1. Pingback: You Say She’s Just A Friend | Writing While Black

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