Fades to Black III

“Let me hold $150 until Sallie Mae kicks in in a couple weeks,” I said.

“I ain’t got it,” CB said. “Ask the Muslim that bought you that dress, ask Chicago-he’s an investment banker, ask one of your other niggas.”

What I told him in return shall not be repeated here. But basically I told him to lose my number; and I meant that. The one way for me to never talk to you again is for you to not do something for me that I know you are capable of doing. CB was the same dude that asked me, “Bay can I stay with you for a few weeks or a month when my lease is up?” But I can’t borrow, not have, borrow, a measly $150 dollars. It wasn’t even the issue of the money. I was getting my hair done anyway. And I never worried about money in grad school. Ever. It was the principle. CB blew my phone up that night, the next day and the next. I did not respond to any of his texts or calls. I truly was done.

It was time for me to head back to this place deprived of faces with pigmentation.  I was a little hurt Wisdom still had not contacted me. A few days earlier when I realized he wasn’t going to call I sent him a nice two line message on FB just letting him know I was happy for him, I wanted to check on him and hope all was well. Because I knew he wasn’t going to reply I went on a hiatus from FB for a few days, not wanting to see my messages without his response.

Back in Indiana I thought about how I was at peace with my decisions: to send Wisdom a nice message instead of the over reactive one I thought of; and my decision to finally leave CB the hell alone.

As I’m settling in, sending emails, getting back on my grind there is a knock on my door. WTF? Who the hell is knocking on my door unannounced. I look out the peep hole and can barely see.

“Who is it?”

“It’s me,” CB said.

I opened the door slightly. “What are you doing here?”

“My phone is dead,” he replied.

“So, I mean do you need to use my phone? Wait, how did you know I was getting back today?”

“Man can I come in for a minute, its cold?” he said.

I let him in. “Come on put some clothes on. I’m taking you out,” he said.

Now anybody that knows me knows that food is my weakness. But I declined.

“Be at my house by 8:30,” he said. “If you don’t come then I know what’s up.” He got in his car and pulled off. Ten minutes later I get a text, ‘You coming right?’ He wasn’t taking no for an answer.

Hungry and never in the mood to cook, I started searching for an outfit.

Now, this doesn’t mean that I was feeling him again. Nor does it mean we were just going to pick up where we left off. I was hungry, and the least he could do for his shenanigans I’d put up with was take me out to eat. In the process of getting ready and not responding to his text, hell he knew I was coming, I checked FB. As I’m scrolling through my 266 unread messages I see, “Bird? Come on now sweetie, your sources playing you all the way to the left on that one.” Without it still registering in my head who this was I clicked on it to see the message from Wisdom. He went on to say he had talked to her about two times the whole year  and they were not serious, his mama told him I called, but she couldn’t find the number on the caller ID. He said some other stuff, but the part I reread twice yesterday and once today was, “This the last time I’m gonna tell you this: whether we together or not I want you in my life until I stop BREATHING!!!!!!” My heart sank. He wasn’t mad at me after all. Not only wasn’t he mad at me, but he wanted me in his life forever. My best friend was back.

I went out to eat with CB. We laughed. He explained he truly didn’t have the $150 and he wasn’t about to dip in his savings for me to get a sew in. CB had always been cheap and I knew he had the money, but whatever.

Thing is, after I read Wisdom’s message on FB, nothing else really mattered.

CB is younger than me and needs time to mature. I’m not mad at him because I knew from the very beginning that this was only temporary. I’m not hurt by the stuff we went through. I just look at it as a lesson learned. I’m not really sure why God allowed me to meet CB knowing it wasn’t really a good match. But I do know had it not been for CB I probably wouldn’t have ever appreciated Wisdom. The shit CB did made Wisdom look like a saint. Had it not been for CB getting on my last nerves, I probably wouldn’t have realized that the petty stuff Wisdom and I weren’t speaking over was not worth losing our friendship. So in a way CB was a blessing.

As for me and CB, I truly am tired. But for some reason have been unable to break the chains that keep me tied to him. I guess it doesn’t really bother me because my feelings aren’t invested; and I know I can walk away at any time. What can I say? Corn field Indiana will make you keep around a dude that you really have no desire to be with.

As I sit here writing I have yet to call my acquaintance turned best friend turned lover turned enemy turned best friend again. As I grow older and wiser I have realized to cherish the people that are in my life and fuck the ones that aren’t.

For now I’m going to call Wisdom and smile the entire time we talk. Moments like this are the things you remember. And all the other bullshit… fades to black.