I’m tired. Not sleepy, but tired of what has become my life. One minute I’m up the next minute I’m down. Where is the happy medium? Will there ever be one? I don’t know. So for now I write. Write what I can’t say, but feel. And when there are no more words to write, I’ll sleep. Hoping, praying for a better tomorrow.

  1. I’m 25 still doing some of the same idiotic stuff in relationships I did when I was 21.
  2. If you know better you’ll do better, right? This is the dumbest quote I’ve ever heard. Of course we know better, but don’t always do better.
  3. I love my new MacBook Pro. Well worth the stack I dropped for it.
  4. I need to call my Dad. We haven’t spoken in almost a year. But I’m too stubborn to call him. Why hasn’t he called me? I need him. I need him to tell me I’m beautiful inside and out no matter what any man tells me.
  5. Speaking of men, how can someone who uses the same mouth to utter ‘I love you’ turn around and say ‘Bitch fuck you. I hate you.’ Must not have been love.
  6. Will I ever have a healthy relationship with a man? (Cue Charlotte from SATC: “Where is he? I been dating since I was fifteen; I’m exhausted.”)
  7. People really think they know you from reading a 750 word article you wrote. (Cue Amy Poehler in the movie Baby Mama: “Bitch, you don’t know my life.”)
  8. I’m sensitive about my writing.
  9. Trust- something I don’t think I’ll ever be able to do 100%. Trusting people is overrated anyway. Nah, I really don’t believe that.

10. My mom is turning 50! Just 25 years ago she had me. The same age I was when…never mind.

11. Do I have what it takes to really make it as a writer? Wait, Superhead has 3 published books and one was on the New York Times Bestseller list. Yeah I have what it takes.

12. Seriously do I have what it takes to be a writer?

13. New York, I fell in love with you. A picture of the Brooklyn Bridge I took on my way to the airport is even my screen saver as a reminder. Everyday I daydream about making you my home. But it doesn’t seem feasible.

14. How in the world am I going to pay off $40K in student loans? Uhh, a sponsor? Yeah right.

15. I hate him. Or maybe I just hate all the things he’s done.

16. Will my heart ever heal?

17. I have to start cooking more. I do want kids one day; and they can’t eat takeout everyday as I’ve come accustomed to.

18. Marriage is not in the cards for me.

19. Mary J Blige’s “I just wanna be happy” is the #truth.

20. What is my purpose?

21. I need to pray more.

22. Read more.

23. Enhance my vocabulary.

24. Although I’m not from the hood I feel like the one friend who made it out. Now I have the weight of making it for all of us on my shoulders.

25. I love black people. I hate how we treat each other.

26. I love him.

27. People have such balls behind a computer screen. I call them e-ballers.

28. Bloomington, I can’t wait to bid you adieu.

29. Someone hire me.

30. People say look at the glass half full instead of half empty. Sounds good. Not easy to do.

31. I’m a lot smarter than the stupid shit I do.

32. And sick to my stomach from the events of last night.

33. So glad the Celtics won the Game 2 of the finals. I despise Kobe.

34. Why do so many black men loathe black women?

35. I want to live a life of service. Need to start working with young girls.

36. Why does everybody think because I have my own place, my own car, a Master’s, good health (so they assume), that I’m better off than them? Or that any of that really means anything? Maybe I’m being ungrateful.

37. Go ahead, judge me. Now you really have insight as to Who.I.Am.

*drops mic*