That Girl

Hey, I been trying to call and check on you since your uncle passed recently,” I said.


“Man I been doing good. Congrats on your BBC interview,” said Wisdom.


“Thank you, but what’s wrong man? I asked. “I can tell from your voice you’re not good.”


“Man, nothing I’m cool. Look at you though doing big thangs.”


“Dude, what’s wrong with you?”


“Mane it’s just too much going on,” he replied. “I just found out I got a baby on the way.”


“By THAT girl?”


“Yeah, by her.”

What else could I do but listen and be there for him? Yes, Wisdom done went and got some chick pregnant. You know, the best friend turned everything else back to best friend? And now I had to sit here a listen to him tell me he was about to have a child with THAT girl.  (To catch up to speed read Fades to Black series, Buried or The Response).

Surprisingly I was numb while listening to him confide in me as his best friend. I had recently told another bff that although Wisdom will always have a place in my heart, and we will always be best friends, I now know Wisdom and I aren’t meant to be together.

But even knowing that, I wondered how to process the information he told me today nearly two weeks after he himself found out. It’s selfish of me I know. But I am human. I don’t want to come second to the mother of his child.

As we talked on the phone I could tell he was really stressed out because his situation with THAT girls is less than ideal. He never wanted to be a statistic as someone who was raised by both of his parents.

I did not interject with any of my own thoughts about me and him although a ton were brewing. There really was no “us” after all. I was a good friend in listening, offering my opinions when asked and doing the best I could without showing any type of emotion.

He went on and on about the silly games ol’ girl was playing. Listening to him lament about the circumstances I really could not understand where this girl was coming from. As a woman I truly wanted to, but I couldn’t.

For starters, she is 17 weeks. He just found out two weeks ago. Trick, are you serious? I can understand it needing to process for maybe a week at the longest, but that is totally disrespectful.  To add sprinkles to the ice cream, she had her mom tell him while she was sitting right there. According to Wisdom she is pushing him away, but won’t express why. We have an idea why but I won’t go as far to comment on it.

Her shenanigans doesn’t end there.

On Father’s Day he told her to come to the house so they could converse and spend time together. She never showed up, but calls him and says, “Did you get your card?” The psycho left him a Father’s Day card on the windshield of his car instead of just knocking on the door as planned to talk to him. Who does that?

Wisdom is the type of guy that a woman would never have to worry about in regards to all the things most single mothers pace the floor at night over. I’ve known him since I was 14. Trust me on this.

He told me how he wants to be there, rub her stomach, go to all the doctor’s appointments, discuss financially how they will raise the child and do what’s best for the baby. He even is willing to sacrifice his own happiness to raise the child in a two parent home.


“I asked her did she want to be together or not,” he said. “She said she did, but she’s not acting like it.”

Considering they weren’t technically ever in a relationship before this because of her apparent communication issues, she should be happy he is willing to be with her. They had one of those situations where he loved her as a person, but they never had the title of boyfriend and girlfriend. So prior to the whole pregnancy news he had given up on her and they hadn’t really talked much.

Her actions are rather strange and have been for as long as I can remember. She’s acting how chicks would act if the baby’s father didn’t want to do sh*t. She has a good one and needs to get it together.

In all honesty I’m really disappointed in Wisdom; and I don’t want to see him have a child with another woman. Although I have no desire to be with him, he is still my best friend and someone I used to envision spending the rest of my life with.

I’d be lying if I said I’m excited. I do at the very least hope they do whatever they need to do to raise a child in this world who will grow to be a productive member of society. And I hope THAT girl realizes it’s not about her, it’s about the child.

But I guess some of you reading are saying the same thing to me: It’s not about you, it’s about the child.

In the words of my best friend LS: “Man that sucks u just got to be there for him.”

  • Kishia

    I’m not taking sides…I’m just trying to rationalize “Crazy broads” actions. Maybe she’s hormonal and doesn’t know how to deal with a responsible male in her life. Maybe her upbringing didn’t prepare her to take advantage of a good situation. *sigh* I promise you, these broads make me so mad. MAYBE she feels the same way about him pre-preggers that he did about her. My boyfriend made his daughter off of “ok we’re done with each other for real” sex….it happens…I’m just saying.

    In other words and thoughts (I had to go back and read all 3 stories to get the jist of it all), it’s hard as hell to let go of a male bff ESPECIALLY if it’s been off and on and some more stuff. But I’m in agreement with some of the responses that you can’t wait around and you’ll have to cut those feelings off and move on. The thing about that is you want to be able to open yourself up to other dudes and not hang onto that baggage. All I can really say is to pray about it. And ask God just to lead you…my favorite prayer…The Serenity Prayer. It covers all bases especially because God knows your heart and He knows what you’re praying about when you ask for serenity. Love ya Bene’!

  • twentysomething83

    Man. That much have come as a serious shock. Nothing kill hopes of a future with someone more than a baby with someone else (not that it’s not possible, but the ideal situations we create in our heads don’t allow for the person you love being the father of someone else’s child). I’ve been there, and it is a serious blow to the heart. It’s good that you are making the conscious effort to support him still, despite your hurt. At the end of the day he can’t say that you weren’t there for him.

  • twentysomething83

    Ughh. I hate when I don’t proofread before I submit. I mean that *must* have come…