For Colored Girls Like Korryn Gaines And The Black Men Who Hate Us

Korryn Gaines

What is it to be a black woman in America. For the burden of both racism and misogyny to lay at our feet.

Korryn Gaines was no fool. In her short 23 years she was all too familiar with the carnage of black bodies. This familiarity with state sanctioned executions empowered her to raise unafraid black children. With her thick Baltimore accent she instructed her five-year-old son to record the Baltimore County police who’d pulled her over for not having registered tags on her car. That day, she was ready to die. Her life was spared, but she wouldn’t be so fortunate again.

Her Instagram shows a warrior woman who believed in her right to legally bear arms. She was uninterested in kowtowing to the very system that kills even its most “perfect” victims. Instead of “hands up, don’t shoot!” she thought “#StopKillingUs is some begging ass shit” was more appropriate. Baby girl had no desire to be pleasant or respectable.

So when Baltimore County police showed up to her apartment to serve a warrant for her arrest over misdemeanor traffic violation charges, she knew it could very well be the day she took her last breath. In her last moments she took to Instagram to record her cute, chubby cheeked five-year-old son, her asking the questions, him predicting the outcome.

“Who’s outside?”
“The police.”
“What are they trying to do?”
“They trying to kill us.”

What happened next doesn’t matter much because the result is the same. It’s always the same. Korryn is dead. The police will lie. The media will corroborate the police’s lies. The public will blame her for her death. There will be no justice. Officials will call for peace. Family members are left to raise her children. And shortly we will have all moved on to grieve the next victim of police violence. The narrative is so familiar it shows up in our dreams. The tears feel the same as the ones we wiped the last time we mourned a black person who we did not know. Only this time those tears will only be cried by black women. All black lives are not mourned equally.

Because Korryn dared to be a vocal black woman — one who may or may not have been legally armed — there is no outcry for her except from other black women. There will be no outraged celebrities. Protesters won’t flood the streets in cities across the nation. Public officials will not demand accountability for the officers who killed her. Presidential candidates will not condemn the police department for their failure to de-escalate considering a child was present. President Obama will not tell the nation Korryn could’ve been his daughter. News and cable networks won’t profit off her death by hosting Town Hall meetings. Black men will not grieve her as they have the long list of black men killed similarly. In fact, black men will adopt the language of our oppressors to blame her for her own murder.

Black men couldn’t wait to vocalize their hatred for black women. “It’s looking mighty justifiable right now” and “Korryn Gaines deserved to die” and “Basically asked for it” and “She decided to be reckless with her son and her own life” and “Korryn Gaines was an ignorant, loud mouth little girl.” Those are just a few. Tucking in their hatred is hard to do, even when two black children are left without a mother.

Black men's hero, Malcolm X, telling the painful truth about black women.

Black men’s hero, Malcolm X, telling the painful truth about black women.

These are the same black men who automatically don’t trust police accounts in killings where the victim is a black man, but are quick to believe Korryn was pointing a gun at the police when they entered her home. Despite her documented recordings of run-ins with the Baltimore County police, black men aren’t thinking maybe this woman was targeted. Black men are not playing detective to figure out the truth in this strange story the police tell of using the landlord’s key to enter her home. Black men are not rallying for an end to a system that sends a SWAT team to someone’s home over non-violent traffic violations. Black men are not calling foul, because even if she was armed, white suspects with guns are apprehended alive all the time. Black men are not questioning how she could hold her phone to record, hold her son and allegedly hold a shotgun in her hand all at the same time. Black men aren’t sympathetic to her developmental disability due to lead poisoning, which could’ve affected her reasoning the day she was murdered. Nope. Black men are saying she deserved to die because she was a crazy fool and a shitty mother for daring to be free.

Ain’t that peculiar?

Black men must remove the word revolutionary from their vocabulary. One minute it’s “fuck the police” and the next it’s Korryn was reckless. Black men love the iconic photo of their hero Malcolm X looking out the window of his home, shotgun in hand to protect his family, but Korryn possibly having a gun means she deserved death. They cheer on Nat Turner but who does Korryn think she is to protect her family. Black men either don’t know what revolutionary really means or think the word is reserved for them solely.

Remove it from your tongues.

It’s not just about Korryn. It’s about black womenfolk being de mules of the world at the hands of black men. Folks called Sandra Bland sassy. Said had she not talked back she would’ve lived. No one showed up for the Rekia Boyd rally in NYC. When we talk to black men about the dangers of street harassment we are met with death and rape threats. Statistics show violence against black women is mostly at the hands of black men, but we’re shouted over for bringing that up. Then when we tell black men that we, too, are killed by police, we are told now is not the time to be divisive. You will get to us after we take care of our “kings.”

But you see, that doesn’t work for me. My liberation is not going to come after. I’m not suffering through black men’s harmful misogynoir while black women’s freedom becomes a ‘maybe we’ll get to it in the next lifetime’ non-priority. I’m not adding a “not all black men” caveat to my truths in order to coddle hurt feelings. My life is literally on the line. And my freedom can’t wait.

Either cis black men are going to center black women so we can all get free together, or my freedom fighting will be reserved for black women and black queer folks. Do what you want with that. But my freedom can’t wait. I won’t wait for you to see my humanity while I fight for yours.

While you’re denying our humanity, remember this: Putting off black women’s liberation for tomorrow is a dangerous game. Because ain’t a single liberation movement survived without us.

To Korryn and Sandra and all the black women who refuse to bow, refuse to shutup, we got you. Rest easy knowing black women said your name and refused to let them forget.

  • Jim Jones

    If anyone has black male friends who hold these views, they should de-friend them…..in life, and on facebook. Chances are, you will still have the same number of black male friends before the purge that you will have after the purge. Why? Because most black men dont hold these views, and it’s unclear what the benefits of another “black men and shit” article other than to drive up website visits.

    • writtenbyBene

      It’s cute that you think this is just a Facebook or Twitter problem. Black women have been providing receipts for years about several incidents where black women were harmed and the response of slews of black men have been to blame us, not speak up at all, or tell us we deserved it. Sandra Bland, the woman who was killed on the train in Chicago, the little girl slammed by the police officer, Dan Holtzcaw’s rape victims and the list goes on and on.

      It’s also cute that you took away from this “black men ain’t shit” when those words were never written. You’re so focused on me not coddling your little fragile feelings with a “not all black men” that you refuse to listen to black women. Also, there is historical context to what I’ve written here, you come on here with this sophomoric retort to puff your chest. Malcolm X said black women are the most disrespected women in America. Are you debating that? There are books written on how black women’s efforts have not been reciprocated. Perhaps you should try reading. Or just say you just don’t care. We’d respect you so much more if you were just honest.

      I’m certain you didn’t read the article, or either can’t comprehend. Either way, not my problem. This is my personal blog. I don’t need to “drive up website visits.” I don’t even have ads, fool. LOL. If I was writing this for “hits,” trust me, I would’ve pitched it to the one of many publications I write for where I get paid extremely well to write. Run along with your other ashy friends. Make sure you’re in your mama’s house when the street lights come on. Don’t come back until you’ve learned something. Toodles.

      • Jim Jones

        Black men did post and march for Sandra Bland, and the little girl slammed by the police officer, and every other case you mentioned so I’m not sure what you’re referring to (http://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/protesters-ask-feds-get-involved-sandra-bland-case-n484721). I read your article several times, and also not sure what my mother has to do with this.

      • Step Daddy

        Black Women have done more harm to Black Men. So get mad & stay mad. Black Women raise their kids in the worst conditions possible. 60% of you have mutiple kids by multiple men. Black Women are the #1 enemy of the Black race. I am so glad that so many brothers are opting not to deal with Black Women anymore. You just basically blamed Black Men for why a loud mouth hood rat black bitch got a cap bussed in her ass. I am glad that Black Men have sense enough to not make a fool out of ourselves for a black bitch with a attitude problem. You cant compare her murder to the unarmed Black men who got murdered in cold blood. Non of them were talking shit to the police like this litte thot was, so its kinda hard to feel sorry for the bitch. You Black feminist bitches are the right hand of white supremacy. So do me & you a favor, please stop “protesting” for Black Men when they get shot by the police, becauce you & I BOTH know that yall only do it for attention. If Black Women really cared about their community, yall would march to clean up your communities, but you dont. Lets be real here, yall dont “love” Black Men until we get shot in cold blood. Black Men are catching on to how evil & twisted you bitches are. Tommy Sotomayor was right about you Black whores!

  • Fenny Famous

    Pointing a gun at police and using her kid as a human shield = hero for black people

    • writtenbyBene

      But…but…what about all the times white people are armed in confrontations with police and are apprehended alive? Some even called patriotic for using their 2nd Amendment Rights. You racists sure have poor reasoning skills. Thanks for stopping by!

      • Step Daddy

        “white people do it too” thats all Black Women say to justify their ignorance.

      • CJ

        You can be armed without pointing a gun at cops. What’s your point?

  • Orlando

    This is the most stupid article ive ever read. Tragic a young sister lost her life but for to insinuate that because some imature people made comments on what took place.that black men hate black women is stupid. This is that feminist minded bullshit that is destroying the black family and community. I guarantee the majority of the women that are up here agreeing with this bs are single and you wonder why.get your mind right. And stop reading bullshit propaganda that is telling you that black men hate you smdh really

    • writtenbyBene

      You’re an idiot, and are not match for my intellect. Bless up.

    • blessed

      you say it like being single, considering the options, is a bad thing. lol


    • Step Daddy

      She had said “Cis” Black Men lmfao that gave her feminist mindset away

      • Ijs

        I dont think black women or any other race of women actually care about what your talking about. I see the pot talking about the kettle. You can just tell by your post your ignorant. You also have a big mouth and honestly as far as dating you might wanna clean up a little before you start setting your standards that high. Im pretty sure there’s no line of women of any race beating your door down for a date. I also believe that maybe your mom had several dads for you and your siblings and brought you guys up in an poor environment but its ok talk to her about it tell how you feel. But please dont blame every black woman for your family issues. The only way you could be so sure about these things are if you experienced them. Because I grew up in a home with 2 parents and am now married 18yrs and i have a happy family living nice and comfortable. So i guess my outlook on life and yours are different because of how you were raised. But anywho you go run along now maybe masta will give you a treat; he might even teach you how to express yourself like an adult without using profanity (thats usually how big mouth people express themselves). P.s. dont let your panties get in a bunch good day.

  • Tommy Archer

    “she knew it could very well be the day she took her last breath”
    Actually she acted like she wanted a confrontation with the police. Both this day and in the videos of her traffic stop.

  • Diontae Kippen

    Lol. Black women ignoring even the woman’s neighbors accounts of what happened just so y’all can further push this BS agenda that black men hate y’all. Find me one black man y’all “defended” that did something even remotely as stupid as this women. You can’t. She was a “warrior” and unfortunately she lost this battle. I’m not praising her death, but I’m also not defending her actions. She wasn’t shot in the back while running unarmed, shot while getting her license after telling a cop she was permitted to carry a weapon, or even shot while arguably not reaching for her weapon. There isn’t doubts about what actually happened like with Sandra bland or Rekia Boyd (who black women just seemed to not care about at all for some reason). Korryn was shot after a standoff with police while wielding a gun and her baby in her arms. If thats what black women want black men to defend, then please stop “defending” us in these streets because it ain’t gone happen. We didn’t question why Christopher Dorner, Micah Johnson or Gavin Long, two other “warriors”, were killed either.

    • The paedophile Alvin Aldo whatever his name was, twas black women that had his gofund go from hundreds to hundreds of thou.

      Black women act as if all the blacks are men, often enough, to own pissing detrimental. One day, they will do like black men and focus on self. Hopefully.

  • Kimberly

    That sad, awkward and predictable moment when the point of the article is proven in the comments. Stellar job, guys.

    • Jim Jones

      After each major tragedy involving a black woman, you will find the same damn article recycled in a different form. If the black men on your timeline hate black women soo much, block them. Please.

    • writtenbyBene

      Girl. GIRL. It’s going right over their little feeble minded lil’ heads. It would be comical if it wasn’t so sad.

      • Louis Christopher

        No woman who acts like that ever “Wins” at life. But its going over our heads?! lol smh. OK

  • Shawdae Renee

    She does not represent black women she does not speak for Jesus speaks for me his blood shed on the cross speaks for me him dying to save me from the sin of hate and pride speaks for me , the fact that Jesus is so merciful and kind when other are evil- speaks for me however Korryn will never speak for me why Bc she choose pride and hate instead of peace and love through Jesus Christ

  • Alyssa

    I don’t quite understand this. I don’t know exactly the TRUE details between her last encounter with police, but I don know that if I was an officer and I knew of her past run in with police and her ready and willingness to die, I would be not only concerned but on hightned alert. I heard this many times before….. there is nothing more scary than a person who is ready and willing to die….at force at that. and please not I am a young black female with family members who have had both good and bad encounters with police officers. my husband is black, shoot probably the darkest it gets and I still fear for him when he is away. but this I don’t understand especially her 1st encounter with the officers who were polite despite the situation.

  • Marlon Buckley

    This is propaganda and bullshit! The author of this piece is full of s*** in my opinion! Black men aren’t against the black woman. What seems to be happening is a fictitious device that is trying to infiltrate the black community. If the mother had mental health issues then that’s one case within itself. However the reason why the outrage is not as vocal light Alton Sterling and Castro is maybe because they we’re not acting in such a manner to automatically provoke the situation. They didn’t put their children In Harm’s Way to prove a point. Revolution is cool however putting your children In Harm’s Way about some traffic violations is not the way to go about change. But do not blame black men for your anger with the system that oppression effects us as well.

  • Step Daddy

    Black Women are basically blaming this on Black Men lmfao This whole butt hurt passage was full of lies & this is why alot of Black Men have lost respect for you Black broads. Yall are the reason why the Black Community is in the place it’s at now. Yall talk the most trash about Black Men & you expect us to come to your rescue?? LMFAO no thanks, thats why alot of brothers aren’t even dating Black Women these days. Yall say you are “strong” & “independent” well fight the police & white supremacy by yourselves. Black Men are doing the right thing by not getting involved, this woman was simply acting stupid & she brought it on herself. All of the greatest Black leaders were BLACK MEN. No Black movement will be taken seriously without the men leading it, even white folks know that. So march with the gay dudes & other bitter Black women, nobody will take you seriously anyway. Black Men are going MGTOW in record numbers. Black Women never had our backs, so why should we have yours?? You can count THIS Black Man out.

  • Step Daddy

    This is why they shouldn’t let Black Women speak their mind, cause they spew this type of ignorance when they do & then they wanna cry about Black Men not being there for them. This woman said that “violence against black women are done mostly by Black Men” well guess what?? Violence against white women are done mostly by WHITE MEN, its that way for EVERY RACE, but the selective outrage by this woman is sickening. She is basically letting the cops off the hook & she just wanna talk trash about Black Men because she is bitter. The bitter broad who wrote this trash is part of the problem

    • Tyrza Kynnara

      You have serious comprehension issues. You are furious and you don’t even really understand what was said.
      Take a damned nap and get something to eat and try again.

  • Step Daddy

    This bitch basically blamed Black men for why the cops shot this hoodrat lmfao Black Women are showing their true colors. Black Women could care less about this ratchet bitch being 6 feet under, they just see this as an opportunity to talk shit about Black Men. I urge Black Men to keep dating Non Black Women. These Black bitches their own worst enemy.

    • Tyrza Kynnara

      Non-black women shouldn’t date a man who speaks to any women like you do, either. No woman should.

    • Dedan Kimathi

      Unlike your dopey lookin’ profile pic you’re probably not Black and anyone that uses that kind of language about Black women might be male but definitely NOT a man.

    • writtenbyBene

      Your mama’s a bitch, and she raised one too. 🙂

  • Step Daddy

    “Boo Hoo Black Men hate us” grow up bitch

    • Tyrza Kynnara

      I appreciate you being the terrifying example of what Black women face from their own community when they speak out.

      • CJ

        If you call illogical, myopic rantings “speaking out”, then yeah, this is what they should face…

  • Step Daddy

    White Police killed a Black Woman and Black feminist found a way to blame Black Men for it lmfao im done

    • Anarkist Kryst

      that about sums it up. Thank you.

  • Angie Hem

    This story was tragic and didn’t need any applause. She wasted her life. Period. Nothing to do with black men. Mental illness.

  • Kevin Trade

    I signed up right now jus 2 speak on this- u bitch ass niggas talking down on da sista who tried 2 stand up 4 family n home need 2 dead ass jus leave da community! Go be with those white r POC n jus stay away from da ppl cuz its U coon ass niggas dats da problem……….

    • CJ

      You wasted your time signing up…

    • Oh, you poor stupid soul.

  • Black Mone

    All Black men Don’t think like this..speak for your fucking self..and hell she was targeted its plain to see.They cut off her Facebook and Instagram so she couldnt stream live and nobody had body cams..its common fucking sense!!.#FTP

  • Black Mone

    And they shot at her first

  • Neil Martin

    Wow,,,,, This makes black women look STUPID AS HELL!
    I’m so glad I know intelligent beautiful black women. Because you idiots are going way out of your way to make blacks look stupid with this non sense.
    I watched the 20 minute video of the NICEST Cops I’ve ever seen giving her every way out in the book. I never get pulled over by nice cops like that.
    When I’m pulled over, my black ass is dragged out the car and harassed by officers. But not her, One of the cops even pulled out his damn ID for her. Out of his WALLET. That is unheard of. Those cops went above and beyond to help her out of her little problem.
    All she had to do was show her ID AFTERRR The cop showed his.
    Sounds fair to me.
    Then he might of let her go and then she could fight the car issue in court.
    Instead, she’s dead, her son is shot and her daughter is motherless.
    Because some black women have attitude problems.

    And yea, now I’ll be attacked by ignorant black women. And I’m fine with that.
    Because for every uneducated ignorant black woman who attacks me, I know there are 10 intelligent black women who understand that although most cops are bad, some of them actually are not trying to kill you. And those cops that pulled her over were definitely not there to kill her.

  • writtenbyBene

    There is not a single comment here from hurt black men worthy of debate. I cannot find an intellectually sound argument from those upset. Many of you are imbeciles with sophomoric reasoning skills. The irony is y’all are proving my point.

    You know you guys sound like the #NotAllCops and #WhiteLivesMatter crowd who justify cops killing black men, right? Like, really evaluate why you are vehemently disagreeing with me basically saying that black men can do better by black women. That was the crux of my article. And I used several examples other than Korryn — some of those examples are backed by data. Your misogyny is showing, fellas. Y’all have turned this into a “she said black men ain’t shit!” and I literally didn’t write that anywhere. If I wanted to write that, trust me, I would’ve. Then y’all jump from that to argue why Korryn should’ve been killed and how this isn’t how black women should act. YOU SOUND LIKE THE WHITE PEOPLE WHO JUSTIFY COPS KILLING Y’ALL. Victims do not need to be perfect for us to agree they don’t deserve to be killed by police in front of their five-year-old. I’ve never heard this kind of debate when cops said Mike Brown allegedly robbed a convenience store. Black women never do this to y’all. But you automatically assume Korryn really shot at police? Why, because the cops said she did?

    Just be real. Y’all are mad that I didn’t say #NotAllBlackMen. You’re mad I refuse to coddle you with soft language. You’re mad that black women are telling y’all that your misogyny literally kills us. You’re mad we won’t be quiet. There is no reasoning with y’all. I can tell y’alls reading comprehension is poor (if you even read the piece). Y’all are ashy. Ya’ll are misogynists. Y’all are incredibly stupid. And I wish your fathers had raised you and your mothers had hugged you so that black women wouldn’t be left to deal with the hurt little boys y’all have carried into adulthood. Be blessed.

    P.s. For all the black men not commenting who get it, who’ve shared the piece, reached out in private, who’ve committed to being better, thank you! We appreciate y’all. To all the black women, love y’all. Always.